


Werewolf Training

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [47]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Baked Goods, Capture the Flag, Crack, Drabble, F/M, Failwolf, Food Kink, Humor, M/M, Other, Training, risk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 09:40:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Werewolf training is a very serious business.  Very serious indeed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Werewolf Training

**Lydia:** I would like to call the Thirty-Third Bi-Weekly Strategy Meeting of Team Human to order.

**Allison:**  Strategy meeting? We mostly just get together to play Risk.

**Stiles:**  Risk is important practice for honing our strategic minds.

**Lydia:** I agree. If you think of the high school as Australia, and the preserve as Asia…

**Allison:**  Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it before. I just think it’s silly. You have to go through Asia to get anywhere after you build up in Indonesia. so we always end up in the preserve anyway.

**Stiles:**  It’s not a…perfect metaphor.

**Lydia:**  Anyway. Today we have to actually talk about important werewolf things. Namely, the next game of Capture the Flag on Saturday.

**Stiles:**  We cannot lose again, guys. I mean it. I don’t care if they have superior senses. They spend all their free time bashing their abs against trees!

**Lydia:**  We need to use their senses against them. Let’s start with smell, since that’s what they beat us with last time.

**Stiles:**  What smells distract them the most?

**Allison:** I mean, anything. The last time Scott and I were having sex, he stopped halfway through because his mom was baking brownies. He almost forgot to put on his pants.

**Stiles:**  Brilliant! Baked goods!

**Lydia:** I make a killer creme brûlée. Will that work?

*early that Saturday*

**Stiles:** I set up the last of the lemon squares. How are you doing with the triple berry chocolate mousse?  
  
 **Lydia:**  It’s all set. Allison?

**Allison:** I have two more traps to set on the cherry cheesecake, but I can do that on the way back to the house. Move over a bit so I can set the tripwire for this strudel spread?

**Stiles:**  Of course. Oh, I also brought some short range defensive weapons in case they get through the deliciously deadly blockade. Here. We each get four cans. Just in case.

**Lydia:**  Whipped cream?

**Stiles:**  They have to stop and lick off its delicious goodness, giving us time to get away. Plus, it has the added bonus of being hilarious.

**Lydia:**  Sounds good to me.

**Stiles:**  Oh, Allison, did you set up those long range traps I asked for?

**Allison:**  The plain trip wires by the perimeter? Yeah. But I doubt they’ll get that far.

**Stiles:** I have the feeling that one of them may be less susceptible to sugary goodness and the happiness it can provide. Or any other positive emotions. It’s good to be prepared.

*some time later*

**Derek:**  You can’t trick me with your sugary baked goods, Stiles! The rest of my pack may have fallen for your delicious ruse, but I cannot be taken in by such shallow….is that dark chocolate I smell? Must….follow….

**Stiles:** Ha! That’s right. I knew you wouldn’t be distracted by ordinary pastries and sweets. But how could you resist the smell of dark chocolate and its unflinching, shadowy exterior masking the bitterness within?

**Derek:**  Damn you and your diabolical ways! I will get you yet!

*elsewhere*

**Allison:**  Tell me where your flag is, and I’ll let you down.

**Scott:**  You don’t have to let me down! Just let me eat one more brownie! Please?

**Allison:**  One brownie? And you’ll tell me where your flag is?

**Scott:**  Yeah, yeah, whatever. It’s in Peter’s underwear drawer. Now, can I have some more rich chocolatey goodness? Pleeeeeaaaase?

…

**Allison:** I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GAVE UP YOUR FLAG FOR ONE BROWNIE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS WHOLE TOWN RELIES ON YOU TO…

*back to Stiles and Derek*

**Derek:**  Stiles! I know you’re there! You can’t just leave me tied up here forever! Come out or I will find you and rip your—

*thbuuuuuuugth*

**Derek:** DID YOU JUST SPRAY WHIPPED CREAM IN MY EYES? YOU LITTLE….WHAT IS THIS TASTE? IS THIS WHAT HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE? STILES?!?

*a different elsewhere*

**Lydia:**  Now that I have you all at my mercy, whatever shall I do with you?

**Erica:** Torture us for information!

**Boyd:**  Ooo! Yes! By licking cheesecake off our—

**Isaac:**  And mousse! There was mousse by Erica’s tree. Right by the left leg cuff?

**Lydia:**  And how do you feel about whipped cream?

**Erica:** We will never tell you the location of the treasure!

**Lydia:**  Flag.

**Erica:**  Yeah. Flag. Whatever. Do your worst!

**Isaac:**  Yeah! The very worst you can do!

**Boyd:** START WITH ME!

*Aaand back to Sterek.  Derek has been let out of his bonds, but shows no sign of interest in flag-finding.*

**Stiles:**  I think you missed a bit right over here…

**Derek:**  Oh! Let me just…mmmmm.

**Stiles:**  That’s the last of it.

**Derek:**  All four cans?

**Stiles:** I’m afraid so. But I do have this bottle of chocolate sauce. Interested?

**Derek:**  Yes!

**Stiles:**  We have time?

**Derek:** Lydia is just getting into some master/slave roleplay. And Allison is still lecturing Scott on not giving up important information for less than a full tray of brownies.

**Stiles:** And the wolves are all still secure?

**Derek:** No one else has gotten out. I doubt they’ll be a problem.  I’m impressed by Team Human’s resourcefullness.  And baking skills.

**Stiles:** You know that’s right.

**Derek:** And, more importantly, I’d say we’ve got plenty of time for another round before one of your girls gets to the flag.

**Stiles:**  Cool. Well. What are you waiting for? Get licking.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


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